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All I’ve ever wanted for as long as I can remember, is a place and purpose, somewhere I belong. I’m sure I’m mostly to blame for being the outsider in every circle but I wish someone would just see me for once.
What scares me most is the absolute certainty that I will always be alone in this life.
Dear God, please let me get a decent job, save enough money, get treated for my mental state and finally be able to sever my ties with this family so I can live independently.
Revenge Merchandise: http://bit.ly/JYDTq4
What is wrong with me? Why am I such a mess? Everyone can see I am a fraud and there is nothing I can do to be anything worthwhile. I make things up as I go along, excuses, goals, plans and the person I am. I either try too hard or not at all, either way I fail spectacularly. I share too much, say the wrong thing and always manage to screw up no matter what. The web of lies I tell myself is suffocating me and soon I won’t want to breathe as there is no way out of this trap. I realise I have no one and nothing to hold onto, be it family or friends. I am just a nuisance. I wish I never existed but I guess that’s out of my control too just like everything else. I not a part of anything, I don’t belong anywhere so I am not really at home with myself. Seems I have no purpose in life and all I can do well is see the days go by.
jane & lisbon’s first anniversary